on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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