A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
