We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
