when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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