I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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