also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
