i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
