ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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