Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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