Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
