I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
