I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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