my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
