I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
