She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
