and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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