Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
