you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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