Swine flu. Run for my life!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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