you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
