hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
