I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
