the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
