it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
