yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
