I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
