Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
