shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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