I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize