Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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