oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
