I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
