Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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