No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
nutella sex= disaster
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
