I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
