She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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