He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
