How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
