Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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