Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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