Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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