'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
4 words: hood of his car
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize