Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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