i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
