Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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