Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
