I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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