Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
