so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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