I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
