Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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