Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
