u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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