I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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