I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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