Plan B is the new Plan A
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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