I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
