watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
