i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
