I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
