you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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