Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
