worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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