Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
