nut hugger
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
farters have to be the big spoon...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
