You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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