someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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