you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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