Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
