I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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