I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
