oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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