I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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