Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
